toodle dee dee two thousand eleven
How will Jasper wave out 2011 and welcome in the new year? How will she say farewell to 2011 and howdy-doo to 2012? With a “tour of homes” on the small scale! A tour of Russell Home…absolutely stunning…
Isn’t Lauren’s home beautiful? From floors to chair rails to ceiling, she gutted and renovated the entire space herself. It’s a vision, is it not?
Then we did a little Izzy and Lauren photo shoot.
And we made oatmeal cookie -peanut butter- oatmeal cookie sandwiches!
Also, Lauren came across some carob powder AND carob chips to donate for my baking causes. Gladly, I accepted such charity from her!
Lauren made herself some hot cocoa while I made myself some carob goodness! Yum!
Then Laura came over to hang out for a lovely evening of warm drinks, cozy candle-lit fireplaces and holiday movies. What a wonderful way to wave out the year 2011…
So tell us, how will you be waving out 2011 and waving in 2012?
We would LOVE to hear! Please leave your comments below and have a happy new year!
this is the green nom nom monsta…
guest appearance!!!!!!!! my ode to Love Grown!
this is the green monster…yes. Wendy has seen one up close and personal…well, Wendy has yet to get personal (ingestion) with a green monster but one day it’ll happen. One day.
It’s a very small photo, yes, but I was trying to make it SO small so that I could submit it to the GMM website….one day I shall firgure it out.
This morning I was creating a parfait to take with me and serve to my friend, Laura, at work. She, unlike Wendy, said she’d like to try one of my concoctions…and I am permitting her to toss it after one bite if she doesn’t like it! I’ll let you know how it goes…
isn’t Laura a cutie? … Wendy is a cutie too!
Would you eat the parfait above that I made? What is one of the weirdest culinary creations YOU’VE come up with? 
Have a wonderful day!
only nineteen
broken lens motor? bad lighting? no problem!
So the title for this post was supposed to be a spin-off of ABBA’s “Dancing Queen…only seventeen…” except Ciara is nineteen … And there ya have it!
sibling
Early this morning I received a call from my mother tell me that my sister got married yesterday.
I play this little game with blogging, sometimes, where I pretend that I am writing about things “IN THE DISTANT PAST” (or future). Perhaps it makes me feel more important, like “I’ve lived” or “I’ve arrived.” The truth is, you all can see that, even in that little act, I’m playing child’s games and trying to manipulate how I feel.
Some of you may know, but many of you do not, that my sister has not spoken with me since August 2010 … “well that’s only a year a a few months…” right? It feels like much much longer. And I wish that I COULD be writing this post today with the knowledge that what happened is a part of THE DISTANT PAST (or my distant past) but it’s not. It’s right here. Today.
After finishing up a run while listening to a podcast, my phone rang and I answered to hear the sleepy voice of my mother. Supposedly she woke very very early her time to make sure she caught me on the phone in the early AM (my time) to tell me news that my sister got married last night. My ego INSTANTLY ignited in flames – ’cause this life is ALL about me, right? Wrestling with such self-obsession is an ugly ordeal but the Spirit of love and life within me struck fiercely with passion and mercy for my family. That voice in me of something wonderful rang out, telling me that my mother WAS trying to do what is right. That familiar, sting, however of my mother’s “well, I KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE WANTED TO KNOW” drowned out what felt like any good intentions that had, earlier, blossomed in my heart. “She’s not ME, I thought” – so there ya have my ego in queue! Praise Him that I held my tongue long enough without letting all that was in me ask this one question “Did you call knowing that it would hurt me to know this?…” Who cares if any of my peers would have wanted to ask the same question, the very knowledge of my depravity can answer my question: My problem is ME!
So one day, I would love for that voice and Spirit inside of me that reminds me of how much my sister matters – that she is so significant OUTSIDE of any amount of time she does or does not talk to me, outside of the kind or hateful choices she makes, OUTSIDE of her behaviors – . The God that loves me the God that created us loves her for the very reason that he loves her. AND LEAST OF ALL HE LOVES HER OUTSIDE OF HOW I JUDGE HER! Furthermore, I want for that Spirit to be AWAKENED even more so that understand of where MY RESPONSIBILITY, in this situation, precedes. In August 2010, I planned to visit my sister in Portland and then felt SO TIED after flying home to Reno from a visit in NC that I slept through the day that I was to arrive in Portland. Having left my phone in NC on that vacation, I stood my sister up for that visit and my best friend Bria who waiting in a hotel lobby for me to pick her up. This story should outrage my readers for the sake that you’d be upset and hurt by my irresponsibility and disregard for your time if I’d done so to you. In fact, many of you might be reading this thinking that any hurtful thing my sister does to me serves me right for my nasty behavior – to either YOU or to my sister. I can tell you you’re right. I deserve nasty things to come my way IF Jesus didn’t die on the cross for my lousy behavior (UNDERSTATEMENT).
It even seems like a perversion, of the mighty victory Jesus’ act at the cross was, to mention that he forgives my offensive behavior at Calvary (and forevermore). Does this reflect how unworthy I feel? – that my crimes and my filth are not even worthy of being forgiven because they’re THAT shameful? The harm that I have caused my sister is tremendous. So I am COMPELLED TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS HURT IS DEFINITELY JUST ABOUT ME (And I KNOW my ego doesn’t just linger, still, RATHER IT RADIATES WITH JEALOUSLY for my spirit – because I WANT TO BE THE ONLY ONE THATS’s HURTING HERE! – not just me and my sister BUT MEEEEEEEEEE)
Preparing lunch to take along as I rush out the door, I thank God that I do not act out in my compulsive behaviors to change the way I feel. Praise God that I can experience REAL LIFE like the rest of you without going to a drug of choice to numb or change my true emotions! “FELL THE PAIN, Feel the pain, feel the pain…” … “maybe saying those words will make the hurt go away more quickly” I think in my little thought cloud. It doesn’t help.
I sobbed on the way to the bus. I sobbed waiting for the bus. I sobbed, trying to hide whimpers, on the bus! (okay, even THIS surprised me). When I was growing up, my mother, very seldom, told me that my emotions were genuine or believable…and now, even, I wonder myself. “So in ALL GENUINENESS JASPER, CUT THE CRYING!” “JUST SHUT-UP emotions! TURN OFF!” They don’t. (And those of us who know the lies we believed growing up, we can now thank God for revealing them to us – knowledge of them can no longer excuse or choice to, further, continue believing the lies. I understand that the past simply explains my tenancies to believe lies, perhaps, rather than to believe the truth) Feeling like a blubbering idiot, I wondered “Why can I not stop crying?!” Now I know that my sincerest effort to turn off the sobbing loses-out against deep pain from within my soul.
One thing I REJOICE in is my joy over taking a nice picture and even choosing one nice one for this post seemed impossible. Even a gorgeous woman like Ciara, in a gorgeous shot above, was twisted and cloudy as I attempted to claw out of the chasm of hell in my heart this morning. “Yikes, Jasper’s freaking me out,” you say? Or perhaps you’ve been here…you know that emptiness when others turn on you, when the REAL issues (my egocentricity) blindingly glare.
Finally, I am grateful. Grateful for a job in Durham, NC and a little coffee mug in my cubicle…Grateful for a bed to sleep in where my aunt lives and plants (for) to water in her breakfast nook…Grateful for a friend to call “sister” in my head when she calls…for the love of a Savior with a love of a fierce and majestic kind…
tomorrow’s post will be lighter 
I’ll try to keep that promise!
and I’ll add a few nice photos I, once, shot that might help wash away some icky feelings…
let me know what you think and share any comments below!
a merrier family Christmas
Today I saw this funny quote
Today is yesterday’s tomorrow
- anonymous … Have any of you heard this before? Does this mean that if today is Christmas day, Jesus’ birthday, then, today this is true:
Christmas is yesterday’s tomorrow
And what a WONDERFUL Christmas day this has been! The sun shone brightly through our breakfast nook’s window and I just HAD to go out for a run before church! Auntie Sharon and I exchanged stockings this morning and sitting behind my very favorite D’Auria family at church was one more treat in this day!
Tim, Kate and James arrived this afternoon and we walked to the pond for a family photo. James is two … so the photo session was more like a few shots in between leaf-hunting along the trail.
well well well
Three cheers for Christmas Eve Day this year! Last night Wendy and I stayed awake until, nearly, 3 am finishing her birthday (august 9th) puzzle! It was so thrilling to finally finish the 2,000-piece masterpiece!
Lydia and I also made popcorn balls! Stay tuned for recipe in a later post!
And what’s more is this morning we began the day with Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving cartoon PLUS Charlie Brown’s Christmas! Yipee!! Somehow hearing Linus recite the gospel, chapter 2, of Luke, verses 8 through 14 is so peaceful. Thank you, Linus and Peanuts…”And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace and goodwill towards men.’”
“…And that’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.” 
Wendy and I followed the directions for planting a holiday ammyrrillus, who progress I shall graciolsu track for you in the next 8 to 10 weeks, as well!
thank you for your help Wendy! Also today, I managed to get to JCPenney! Macy’s! Kroger and even cook a Christmas Eve Evening feast with my Auntie Sharon, attend the Christmas Eve service and watch the nutcracker in front of the fire – - oh! – and I stuffed Auntie Sharon’s stocking…stay tuned for that – it shall have a post all its own! … Merry Christmas Eve y’all!
christmas gift-making
This morning I shared some frustrations of mine with my good friend. Instead of her listening with reverent nods and smiles of justifying sighs, like my controlling behaviors would have imagined she’d please me with, she asked me objective questions that called me out on my selfishness. Within the hour, I felt deep gratitude for such honest friendship and accountability; however my gratefulness swam around in what is intense self-hatred. How can healthy reprimand for my bad attitude result in such painful feelings? In all this, I can see that the heavenly discipline (through God and my good little friend) did not CAUSE me pain, it’s the self-loathing and unhappiness deep-down on which a healthy attitude-check shed some light. So now what to do with the token of enlightenment? BREAK this cycle! It’s a gift, awakening slowly to the depravity of my condition. I will ask God to help me continue making amends with him for my sad choices and chose to do something kind to myself and the Spirit of life that lives inside of me today…there’s a world of possibility for this attitude of kindness and compassion right outside (and inside-of) my cubicle opening! Stay tuned for the outcome! And PLEASE leave some ideas in your comments below~ and have a wonderful day!
look-a here at some of the neato things we can do on picnik 
and here is some of the latest and greatest footage/still lifes of santa’s workshop this year! stay tuned! more to come! and thank you, Wendy for slaving over the computer in order to send me the photos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
unwrapped
What are some of YOUR favorite gifts?!?! A gift to unwrap today, for me, is all the blessings God gives me in THIS day!…a silly story shared with friends…a giggle in the office…a pleasantry exchanged with a stranger in the checkout lane…a fond memory. Thank you, Lord, for all the blessings in this day! 
for more photos or to upload some of your own, check out my photo stream here! And have a WONDERFUL day!!!
dance off
here’s a little sneak peak of a photo shoot during my weekend of hanging with Ciara Perez! … and Erin, Monica and Winnie!
I call this set the “boing!”
okay okay! here are some more!
Wendy said, after seeing these photos: “I that in my sleep…easy peasy.”
jasper’s in phila!
there will be more photos to come, however, I thought I’d create a cute little tribute to my traveling buddies! here ya go!
then go look at the cute little Wordle that I made for the two of them!
miracles of technology
ever “fixed” a photo in a software program and not even recognized your edited one for belonging to the original photo you shot!? that’s like this one for me … submit your photo if this has happened to you 
a new look
well whatdya think of the nice little backdrop…courtesy of joefranklin…
my lunch today
ok so I might have listened to one of my patients’ conversations after they thought they’d hung up the phone… …this couple was the CUTEST couple ever! Female respondent held her hand over the phone after I asked “…and what is your most recent weight, in lbs.?” while she told her husband to “Cover [his] ears,” and then quietly replied into the telephone “194 lbs…” So cute, I thought she was. Well, at the end of the interview, she thought she’d hung up the phone and then I heard her ask her husband “Did you hear me say what my weight was?… her husband replied “No. But it’s 145 lbs., right?” The lady laughed an adorably jolly laugh and said “I wish it were Tom, I wish it were, Tom…” One day I could have a jolly laugh with a hubby
Go ahead, share your silly hubby/S.O stories, please!
the parfait
My friend Wendy commented that she “recognize[d] less than half of the items in [her] refrigeration…creepy?” I don’t think it’s so creepy, especially when she can hear me using the blender in the kitchen! She’s got to have some inclination that I mightn’t be filling her fridge with weird concoctions
Here’s one of the creations, just one of my gifts unwrapped today and this week
So I took this cloudy photo while in an airplane and I think that airplanes are some of the finest places for photo-ops! Try it next time you fly.
In this post inspired by Tuesdays Unwrapped, I’d to include this Tim Keller quote from a sermon of his to which I recently listened “The difference between a limp-along life – a common life – and a transformed life – a life just SHOT-THROUGH with thanksgiving and JOY – is NOT just the difference between not believing in God and believing in God, rather it’s the difference between not believing in God and WORSHIP. Worship – to see and grasp His worth in such a way that you begin to live in accordance with it – its existential essence; it’s ascribing ultimate value to God in such a way that it galvanizes, electrifies and changes your whole life, that’s what worship is!”
“So why should we worship this?” Keller asks why should we want to see what God is worth and GIVE Him what He’s worth!? to GRASP his worth!? Well, we worship plenty of things people and places don’t we? And Keller also points that there are some practical approaches to knowing how-to or whether we are actually experiencing worship He mentions making sure we’re in community, around people and understanding submission to a self-revelation of God. It’s beautiful that the psalmist is struggling, and probably struggling more than I’ve struggled today or any day, yet never asks for a change of circumstance “O come, let us sing unto the LORD…For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods…let us kneel before the LORD our maker!” Psalm 95. This morning my purse fell in cedar shavings which, if this has ever happened to you, is about as difficult to get out of cloth as glitter is to get out of hair…and ALL day yesterday and today my abdomen has been aching!!!!!!!!!!!! And how many times have I cursed God for the pain I feel? – too many times (and one would be too many, mind you I’ve cursed Him more than once). Perhaps today a part of my gifts would be unwrapping hope that I will worship and connect with my maker no matter what “feelings” come along.
Perhaps you, too, could read Psalm 95 and let us know your response to the scripture…then post it here
or you can just let me know if you think my parfait looks GROSS or looks YUMMY
cartwheel
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand today is Monday.
Raise your hand if you’re HAPPY to be in your cubicle today!
Raise your hand if you’ve got the day off of work and are frolicking about a hillside full of wildflowers while reading your latest blogfeeds !
and raise your hand if a fond memory/warm holiday thought is the only hope keeping you sane in this moment!
This past Saturday I went to Walmart for canning jars (to package up some gifts for Christmas) and flipped a 180 out of that parking lot just as soon as I saw outrageously-large crowds! Who knew?! I thought I was the only on needing supplies at the Walmart…
now I’m going to have to get really honest about how this simple little illustration reflects, what I feel is, a much larger transformation taking place in my heart. This is a season in my life that I think (and HOPE AND PRAY) the the Lord is using as one for heart change! Little had I anticipated this season of heart change feeling SO painful! Ouchee!
on a much brighter note, my friend Wendy suggested I open a craft shop of my own…and instead of filling her apartment’s living room with scissors, rubberbands, styrofoam balls, paper clippings and craft-projects galore, I could fill up a craft shoppe with these such items.
question IS: if YOU could open ANY shoppe to fill up with your favorite things, what would the shoppe be?!!!!
when animals tickle
You’ll never believe these squirrels I met at this pretty park in Queens, NY. While at my cousin’s wedding festivities, we played ultimate frisbee and I met these two fat squirrels that wanted me to feed them, I think, at the frisbee park. So friendly, they were, and fat – these cute squirrels had me giggling over how close they got! Perhaps they were thinking my white gloves to be Wonderbread!
Someone told me that they’d gotten the Bubonic plague from a squirrel so I didn’t tease them for too long.
These squirrels were cute, but chipmunks seem to tickle me the most in the movies!
Here are some cute creature videos, some of you may know them well! Please post your favorite animal clips or write about your silly animal stories!
Even inanimate objects tickle my funny bone!
little secretary
So when I was a wee 9-yr old, my BIG DREAM was to be a secretary. Maybe I watched the movie Working Girl too much – I might add that no 9-yr-old should be allowed to watch, even the edited-for-television version of, Working Girl. Nonetheless, I’d set up my grandmother’s typewriter on our rickety, old, wooden piano bench and would break out the stapler and, occasionally, the adding machine, pen-cup and ruler (for good measure, of course ) – did anyone catch that ? Well NOW, that I just finished with my Facilities Management “Ergonomic Evaluation,” I realize that my childhood dreams have come true. Now all I do is run around trying to avoid the work I once idolized: a cubicle of my own and a copy machine to crouch over…yipppeeeeee?!
And I find friends at the office to whom I’ve come in to work dressing identically?! Freaky…: D…
mices
Roughly a year and two months ago, this week, I caught one and perhaps four more after that mouse in my car.
Did you know that search-engining the word “mice” produces some funny results? For instance I had heard, once-upon-a-time but, since, forgotten that the “proper English” word for mice is “mices.” The word is pronounced to sound like “Meeces.”
I wanted to find some images on the internet that would fit nicely into this post, however, the longer my car’s mouse problem carried on, I did not need find internet images.
Here’s the first mouse, Squirt. He is a baby mouse, the one I caught, first, thinking he was the INFAMOUS “Charlie.” After, nearly, two months of my hunt for “Charlie the mouse,” I thought the battle was over and won. I could breathe easy at last. Little did I know that I’d find an upwards of five mice dead/alive in the traps (mostly live) set in my car! 
So I cannot believe that I never published this post…meet “squirt” I’ll post more photos soon! In the mean time, have a lovely day! 
Once upon a dream ii
Still, I’m on my “Ps. Keller Kick.” For those of you who are not, already, familiar with my relative spontaneity, I just, now, came up with the idea’s title. That’s right, here on the fly,
Ps. Keller Kick aka Jasper’s Tim Keller Kick
There were, nearly, too many commas in the former sentence, too, I wanted to mention. And there were far too many commas in the latter sentence, as well. I digress. I want to continue my mini exposé on “remembering the loving arms we remember but never had.” A couple of days ago I was quoting a sermon about a “The Wounded Spirit” on “Once upon a dream i” and it’s referring to this sense of dissatisfaction with this life that many of us humans experience. Many of us humans may be experiencing dissatisfaction today, maybe not. This dissatisfaction, this yearning, this being convinced that there is “something more” than what we’re experiencing or this “how we’re living today” can be indication that something’s inherently wrong with our lives. Please do not misunderstand, everyone’s case is different and I do not want to me contradictory in my reasoning by simplifying humanity’s problem, NO! But if you’ve willingness to look at the situation with the possibility that Jesus’ point is, at all, accurate, you might take a look at these scriptures (in context, take a look, too ) “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.” Matthew 7:13 niv Perhaps we HUMANS are simply TRYING TO HARD to “fix ourselves” so that we CAN enter the gate when we were NEVER intended to enter the gate of truth permitted by any of our own works, rather our humanity limits us, in an everlasting and eternal failure, to be able to achieve greatness. And he makes the way narrow and, through faith, we enter. Simply and of no conceivable work or effort of our own can we enter through the gate that was, his alone, won for us. On the bus today, I was writing to my Uncle. You can see, below, that I might have dated the letter to have been “written” early than I actually wrote it, as I wanted him to think I’d written it in with more punctuality than in actuality. Guilty – see! Even with the little things, if I’m honest than I struggle with sincerity and integrity on many levels!
My Uncle is getting older and I love him so much and I SO WANT TO share with him my joy over the scriptures - what I’m learning but he doesn’t like “all the dogma” of religion. Really, though, you may be reading this and judging, resenting, disliking or embracing, loving, yearning, yourself, to share your ideas with other! – Whatever your reaction to my words, I wonder if we could begin by facing these questions ourselves, looking inward with where we truly are with Him or ourselves or with life. Personally, I’d LOVE to hear your response and all you have to do is press reply below! You could also let me know if you would/wouldn’t like me to make your response public or if you’d like me to keep your reply private…either way, I’d love to hear your input on the comments, scriptures, idea, sermon etc! Much love! – Jasper
one of my favorite things
Today I want to share about a gift from God in my life and link up to the Tuesdays Unwrapped delight. With this Christmas season, especially for this one, life seems a whirlwind. 
But Christ promises me that I have the opportunity today and tomorrow and the next day and the next…to…slow…down. or today, I can slow down…and rest in His peace…even while the world whizzes on by (and all around).
God’s gift to me is a seat, cozy and restful, next to Him today.
What’s one of your gifts from Him today?
Please respond and attach one of your favorite photos or a photo you’ve taken! We’d LOVE to see! Much love to you today!
little kiddies
Last week, in the early morning I was driving past a familiar spot on this road where a school stop happens to be located. To my right, I noticed parents in cars, watching attentively to make sure their loved ones hopped on to the appropriate bus. Well out of nowhere this “CR#A*CK@!” sound came from my back door. “What in the WORLD was that noise?” I thought. It sounded as if I were driving next to a dumpster truck full of rocks and one tumbled onto my car. Looking in my rear view mirror I saw this little dude swinging his foot as hard as he could, continuing to kick and kick, as he managed to catapult speeding pebbles onto the sides of passing cars. His little backpacked clung half-heartedly to the little boy’s elbows as he flailed about. I was a bit annoyed with this kid but I couldn’t help but giggle at the mischief! Just to get you back on your good side about the cute little buggers, I’ll include an adorable photo from this summer that I took of a little girl at a 4th of July party.
please mind the timestamp
Amy and I had SO MUCH FUN yesterday! Who knew that we’d be spending our Saturday afternoon, Amy in her PJ’s and me in my Julia-Roberts-80′s-do, photo-shooting and sweet-concocting in her kitchen?! We did not plan for it, at least!I called Amy to ask if she would help me spend the afternoon baking three or four different cookies/bars/sweets for this cookie/recipe exchange I was planning to attend Saturday evening. She blessed me with her YES answer to my question. So I made my stop at the grocers before arriving at Amy’s home. Check out this silly little list that I managed to check off at the grocery shoppe (for which most items I had coupons! – that got DOUBLE coupon credit!)
- white sugar
- blackstrap molasses
- sugar cookie dough
- organic vanilla milk
- omega three lactose free milk
- chocolate chip cookie dough
- sweetened dried coconut
- honey-nut cheerios x 2
- bisquick
now, if THAT’S not one of the weirdest little grocery lists you’ve ever seen, than i’ll tell you it’s one of the weirdest I’ve seen!
with a little help from Amy and some margarine here, some oil there, an egg here, some spray-oil there, some salt here and some peanut butter, peanuts and old-fashioned oats there we were able to come up with these crazy creations:
1. brittle crunch bars (these were not the taste-winners of the four but they sure were fun to make!)
2. pizzookie (the name says it all – pizza? cookie? what could be better?! this one tasted quite gooey and sweet)
3. carbuffins (cookie? bars? muffins? we were not sure what to call these sweet thangs but they were tasty)
4. gooey bundt-sweet wreath (that’s on the top right rack) and 5. chocolate-chip-cookie-dough-crust molasses bar
Even though we didn’t take a clear picture of each of the five different items, they were all very interesting! The mixture of flavors varied surprisingly from item to item although they each began with very similar ingredients! /mind the timestap, of course, Amy’s little point-and-shoot was THA BOMB for photos, thank you Amy
Amy was a GREAT photographer and very helpful in the kitchen! Q: Where would we be without friends? A: elbow-deep-in-gooey-carbuffin-batter-without-pot-holder-in-sight-with-which-to-retrieve-golden-baked-bar-pies-out-of-the-hot-oven-for-cooling . Thank you, Lord, for good friends!
Amy was surprised that we could clean the kitchen and bake at the same time! I was a bit surprised as well! Not all baking days see the same kind of damage control as this one! Stay tuned for wrecked kitchens in the future and have a lovely rest of your day.
Amy and I went for a little run toward the end of our hang-out time together, in all it was an UTTERLY WONDERFUL hang-out time
Once upon a dream i
And as I am still learning much from Tim Keller’s teachings, I’d like to share this excerpt of his with you…otherwise paraphrased: “…here’s why it’s so hard to heal a crushed spirit: we cannot ‘live’ alone, we need a word from outside, a kind word…we can’t heal ourselves, we need someone to come in from outside with love…we’ve got a conscience…years and years and years of therapy – having been told “stop feeling guilty, stop feeling guilty, stop letting them put a guilt trip on you,” and you know what? – years and years and years later, you’re still feeling guilty. Even when no-ones pursuing, you flee. There is something indelible about a sense that “I’m just not right, I’m just not living up, I’m not doing what I ought to do” …What are you going to do about that? What are you going to do about existential angst (dread, anxiety) in the face of death. And how in the WORLD are you going to stop your heart from putting your ultimate trust, your ultimate hope, in things that you can lose? Well, here’s the answer: the secret is the Tree of Life. The Tree of Life. It’s an interesting reference. What do I mean by the secret being the Tree of Life (which is mentioned three times here in the book of Proverbs)? Well, the Tree of Life is mentioned three times here in Proverbs- it’s an interesting reference- the bible talks about the tree of life in Genesis and the bible talks about the tree of life in Revelation but there’s nowhere else in the bible that the Tree of Life is discussed, other than in the book of Proverbs. Through wisdom, the book of proverbs says, you can actually get a taste of it…The Tree of Life represents fullness of life: absolute satiation of the deepest desires. You’ve got creative desires to accomplish things, you’ve got aesthetic desires for beauty, you’ve got romantic desires for relationship for love, you’ve got longing for absolute satiation of the amount that you think you could want: the Tree of Life. But…the book of Proverbs also tells us that we lost it. The end of Genesis ch. 3 says there is a flaming sword waving back of forth that keeps us from the tree of life because when we turned to be our own masters, to be our own Lords…when we decided that we wanted to be our own lords, we lost the Tree of Life…Now what does that mean? … Proverbs 13:12 says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” … What it’s really saying, that our deepest longings, the things we put our hearts on to fulfill our deepest longs, we’ll never fulfill them because what we’re looking for, in everything we do, is the Tree of Life. In other words, when you get a new career, when you get a new boyfriend, when you go on a vacation, when you get a new house, when you travel to some place you’ve never been – there’s always something – it promises something that it can never. actually. deliver. – why? – one hebrew commentator puts it like this: “In the bible, the ‘tree of life’ is an image of immortal, eternal life, but also, it’s an image of irretrievable loss. It’s an image of cosmic nostalgia: a longing for something we remember, yet we’ve never had. In all of the music you go to, to kind-of, give yourself a high, you’re actually looking for a song that you remember but you’ve never heard…what you’re looking for in love: you’re looking for are arms that you remember but you’ve never really had. That’s what the bible’s saying, that’s what the Tree of Life is and, unless you understand that what your’re looking for is the tree of life then you’re not going to be wise. Of course there’s no one who’s put it, quite, like Lewis, who says: “Most people, if they really learn how to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want and want acutely what cannot be had in this world.” The longings which arise in us when we first fall in love or when we first think of some foreign country or first take up some subject that excites us are longings which no marriage, no travel, no longing can really satisfy…there’s always something we grasped at…
In elaborating, i’ll be brief for it was not easy to start and stop Keller’s podcast in order to transpose his, very rapid, delivery! His thesis is SO PROFOUND and I felt it was important to write down and share. This commentators mention of “cosmic nostalgia” strike a deep cord in my heart. You know when you have conversation with someone you feel “really gets” you? – that’s the feeling I got while listening to this sermon. So I KNOW, even more now, that wisdom IS the understanding that my heart’s longings, my emotional (more-pronounced in my life right now) and logical hungers and true. And that I can and will attain all His wisdom as I walk according to his purposes in my life! Please do not misunderstand, your life and pursuit of happiness and all wisdom is yours (not mine nor mine-for-the-judging -lest-I-fall-to-judgement). However, my wish is that you may find such understanding that our longings are for the pathway back to the tree of life.
seedlings of hope
Do you ever feel “stuck?” That funny feeling or wonder or, eve worse, discomfort-of-spirit? Maybe even a feeling of restlessness or uneasiness? Perhaps you don’t feel in a “funk” at this moment or on this day but if you’re a woman, it’s bound to happen! And if you do feel this way, you’re not alone. You’re NOT alone. In fact, the scriptures tell of these “weird” human feelings in the MANY corners of history. Another truth is that you ARE unique in your “feelings,” circumstances or sufferings, even. So my saying “you’re, NOT alone” or my noting that there’s proof of the former comment would not console you. I will point that these “feelings” may not present a red flag in your life today but they’re noteworthy markers in your life as a woman. More importantly, they may be significant circumstances that can COMPEL you into a greater understanding for your purpose here on this earth. If you don’t “feel” purposeful, it’s not too late! And if you do feel purposeful I would love for you to submit your comments and share your experience!
I took this photo when I was very sick in my life.
It helps to remind me that TODAY is ALWAYS a good day to sprout new leaves and begin to nurture those ROOTS!
If you can take the time today or this week to listen to this message, I’ suggest that! enjoy!
tim keller: the wounded spirit august 5, 2011 who knows, this might just be the day your “funk” turns from compost/ick to new growth!
