about

the black sheep.

some days I feel like “no one get’s me.” Funny thing is, MOST PEOPLE have “felt” like this! So am I a white sheep? or a black one? either way, I believe in a truth that tells: Jasper’s life has meaning; Jasper has worth. Even though I might not “feel” this truth resonating in the deepest core of my heart and soul, I am going to try and wake up every day with the hope that I can walk in a way that’s consistent with my belief in the above FACTS.
to recap:
what are the facts about Jasper’s (every human individuals’) life: she is loved . her life has value . she is God’s craftsmanship . her life will reflect God’s GLORY.

Growing up, I remember being happy at times. my home life was not healthy but it was not wretched, by any stretch of the lower-middle-class standard. somewhere along the way I decided to believe the lie that I was “unlovable.” “Was” is one way of phrasing the latter statement, for, today, my psyche still leads me to believe the LIES about my life instead of leading me to believe the TRUTH about my life. now I can see how my choices to believe what other people said about me, absorb how my peers teased me, ingested how my sister refused me, and despaired when my mother manipulated me, actively perverted my own capacity to connected with others. spending the ten months prior to may 2011 walking through and out of the wreckage of my bad choices in Reno, NV taught me that this unrelenting desire to change and control my life and others’ lives will, for obvious reasons, get me, only, more pain and suffering. Have I inspired you, yet ? I mean, WHY would you want to keep reason, why would you want to read what I’ve got to say since the only thing I’ve shared is an innate compulsion to cure misery with active forms of inducing more misery.

Well … truth is … I’ve walked the narrow (and am still walking the very narrow path) that leads to God’s promises manifest in my life…and I am beginning to see the fruits of living a life filled with integrity and self-love (a healthy self-love!) … good friends, loving family, thoroughly enjoyable hobbies, lots of professional help and, also, support from acquaintances world-wide keep my on my psychological toes when it comes to keeping on the straight and narrow!

So here’s to the girl who think’s her face is square and chubby! one day I ain’t gunna even remember looking in the mirror to care and control my life or others’ … rather i’ll glance into the mirror proud of how my Lord’s given me strength to reach out to and lift up others!

My likes: photography, reading, writing, crafts (paper cutting, knitting, gluing, pasting, sticking, painting, peeling, clipping, taping, wrapping, rubber-banding, etc.), running, swimming, Pilates, yoga, breathing, relaxing (bath salts, candle-burning, showering, long walks on beach, deep breathing, mindfulness, reading, unwinding, napping, cat-napping, long-winter’s-napping, Sunday afternoon-napping, summertime-one-the-porch-napping, hammock napping etc.) cooking, baking, tasting, smelling, eating, snacking, peeling, scrubbing, whisking, chopping, vacuuming, sweeping, making weird green monster smoothies, loose leaf tea, cinnamon, vanilla, farmer’s markets, farms, sound

thundering storms from my cozy, fluffy bed, movies, golden retrievers, zoos, thunder claps, too, and road trips.

My pet peeves: when ” -insert name here & I” for the title of a photo; it’s “insert-name-here & ME” and the photo people! doing laundry, drying the dishes, cleaning up my room, studying for standardized tests, taking minutes for staff meetings, paper cuts, lemon juice in paper cuts, rancid milk, taste of orange juice after brushing my teeth, taste of milk after brushing my teeth, taste of rancid milk after brushing my teeth, coffee with creamer in it, earwax, no cell phone service, dust-bunnies, toe cheese, belly button cheese, too, and fallen-asleep-foot sensation...grammar typos in general

about me: I was born

funny facts: Just now I saw this vintage engagement ring listed on Etsy for $95,000 and DONT WORRY I am not planning on getting engaged any time soon

important fact: I see that many ladies out there have seen “ups” and improvements in their lives’ overall condition/quality with the help of some man or significant other. This is GREAT for them, I love hearing the stories!…well I’ve not got one of those boyfriend/fiance/husband/man…or a doggie (any more) but I do think it’s possible to imagine that my life won’t simply “begin” when or if I were to acquire any such thing…my life can begin now and I am not afraid to get personal on this blog and tell all when it comes to me having found my worth in my relationship with Christ. I am willing to share personally for the simple fact that I am interested in giving God the glory for ANY good thing that comes from my life existence in this little town of Durham here…and in this world, too.